Be A Clean Machine Live Better, Clean!!!

Be A Clean Machine

Live Better, Clean!!!

Good ole bachelors are notorious for living like pigs. Actually, most pigs are cleaner than bachelors. The only time a bachelor will clean his place is when he's got a hot date or his mother shows up.

Well, isn't an escort a date? Think of it this way...the run of the mill date is going to cost you a lot and you're probably going to be left with Rosie and her Five Sisters at the end of the night. An escort? She's going to cost you about $300 and you are assured of getting laid!

Plus, if you clean up that rat hole you're going to get laid well. Real well!

A lot of escorts complain about the state of their clients' apartments. If you've ever run into an escort trampling over the pizza boxes and beer bottles to get to the door, then look around your abode. You guessed it. It was the pizza boxes and beer bottles that got her wanting to leave so quick!

Pay attention to the next stuff. There are a lot of things a guy can do to make his home more presentable. It's not hard, and it goes a long way in impressing someone.

The Dumpster...I mean, the Living Room

Open the windows. Air out the room. Don't complain. Just do it.

All of those beer cans, bottles, pizza boxes, Chinese take-out cartons? There is a thing called the garbage can that just loves that stuff. Use your friend the garbage can. Everyone knows you're not taking a paper mache class so get rid of all of those newspapers while you're at it. And the ashtrays? Come on! What do you think this is? A crematorium! Empty those things!

Clean the coffee table with some sort of glass cleaner. Take all of the dirty glasses, coffee cups, anything you've eaten out of, drank out of, eaten with, or eaten on and put it in the dishwasher. If you don't have the dishwasher then wash the dishes. If you don't know how to wash the dishes, call your mother or sister or some ex-girlfriend or that gay friend from work.

Clean your couch too. Get rid of the crumbs. Use that amazing Dust Buster you got for Christmas from your aunt. There's this stuff called FreshCare that you can buy at any grocery store. It makes your couch smell nice. Use it! Don't be afraid of being a wuss while you buy it! Just pony up the cash for the stuff!

The Outhouse...I mean, Bathroom

A good thing to start with is purchasing some artillery to kill off the roaches and water bugs. They're there and they must be destroyed! While you're at it, kill all of the bastards in the kitchen too.

When the hottie arrives, she will go to the bathroom...bathtub, shower, toilet, and sink have got to be CLEAN! She will reward a man willing to part with mold and fungus.

By the way the most annoying thing is going into a clean bathroom and looking at a towel that's been through so much ass drying it's thinning like Charles Barkley's head. Please get some new towels! If you have to, borrow them from your sister.

TOILET PAPER! Remember this one. Women use a lot of TOILET PAPER! Get enough for the bathroom.

Here's a math problem to explain what a bathroom can do for you.

Clean bathroom + clean living room +manners = wild, passionate sex.

The Roach Nest...I mean, Love Nest

Remember your mother told you to clean your bedroom? Well, it's not too late to listen! The bedroom is where all of the action takes place so it's a good idea to keep it nice and fresh.

Open the window. Like the living room, don't complain. Just do it.

Get a nice double size bed. Trust me. It works wonders. Most escorts aren't into that four foot bed you've been sleeping in since the sixth grade. They're not into bunk beds either. Invest in an adult bed.

Clean your sheets. You sweat at night. What did you think the sweat did? Evaporate? Wash your sheets, dry them, and for heaven's sake don't let Fido get on that bed after you've put them back on! Escorts are much happier when they aren't getting dog hair into their eyes and ears. If you have clean sheets, you'll see a 50 percent improvement in your sessions with escorts.

This is not rocket science! If you want her to feel comfortable and really get into the session, make an effort to create a fresh, clean environment.

Dirty Laundry
Do you have a laundry bin? Get one if you don't.

Do you have a socks and underpants drawer? Ditto above.

Do you have a wardrobe closet? Once again...ditto above.

Now, if you have all of those things then why the hell aren't you using them???

Hang all of the clothes up and toss all of the dirty clothes into the laundry bin. Then stash the laundry bin away. It will win you points.

Use that FreshCare stuff and clean the bed. Spray some nice citrus fragrance into the bedroom. All of this stuff will just add to the session.

Remember, if a woman sees a cluttered room, she'll just assume that the guy's a clutter in bed! Don't be a clutter! Be a love-making Clean Machine!!!